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    (Closed) Truth or dare

    Like I said, I haven't read enough of these books to really pass comment.

    One thing I am fairly sure of is that even if you start something - a way you approach people or a situation - by faking it, that doesn't mean over time that approach or way of doing things doesn't become genuine and your first response to the situation.

    When MB and I were taking our erotic spanking to the new dimension of a Taken In Hand relationship (that sounds so much nicer than the draconian 'domestic discipline!') neither of us had a clear idea of what our roles were. We found two very good, very experienced friends who helped us along. A word here. A technique there. We borrowed and tried on their methods even when they didn't feel quite right.

    There certainly were moments in the early days when it all felt like one big charade, as phony as a cardboard moon. But because we occasionally had these moments of sublime connection, we continued.

    I am grateful that I married a man who would read 'self help' sites and mail and try something new, even though it started, for both of us, with not much more than wishful pretence. Likewise since we started all this I have read at least one self-help book that has improved my sexual prowess - much to MB's delight (and he thought I was great before). The book I read wasn't likely to win any writing awards but it is much acclaimed in at least one bedroom in this nation.

    What I am saying is that I believe self help books have a place in transitional parts of the lives of some people.

    OTOH I've known people who do not seem to be able to function without reference to one written code or another. When 'self help' books and ways of living are little more than self obsession, a panacea for chronic indecision, or a remedy for the absence of a personal moral code, then I think they are more than fatuous, they are downright sinister.

    I can't really imagine ever reading a book to 'improve my sexual prowess' , I mean sex is something you just DO, I can't imagine following an instruction manual! Every time I read the reviews of one of these se;lf-help books I just think they sound totally idiotic. And as for men reading them -oh dear! Real men simply do not read self-help books. Real men read Clive Cussler.

    It is quite offensive to hear Real men simply do not read self-help books." By your gage, any man having intellectual intercourse with the content of this site are not Real Men". We are all here for help, all helping ourselves.No More Mr. Nice Guy is really just a bad play on words, I'm sure at the urges of Robert Glover's publisher. I can say with clarity that this book has nothing to do with pretending, manipulation or being a meanness, to get more sex.

    I don't suggest that most self help books are not creepy. Reading a book is one thing... those men and men who re hear to have an open dialogue on this website is another. Given the reciprocity of such personal exchange... I think some of Louise's comments are quite pernicious. Any statement that begins with "Real men don't.....or real women don't..." is pernicious.

    Sure sex is natural but that does that mean we can't find new, thrilling techniques? Maybe you were born with some sort of inherited memory of all skills and permutations possible for love making. I sure wasn't so I'm open to new ideas.

    If you want to give your man a delightful surprise or two, you don't need to go past How to be a Great Lover by Lou Paget. She has some wonderful things to try in there and no, she doesn't tell you to fake it or do things you don't want to.

    The first time I sat MB back and tried basketweaving on him - well let's just say he was a happy man. A very happy man. He has enjoyed being my instrument of learning.

    I'll never believe there is much in life we can't get better at, as long as our minds are open. If I didn't believe that I would never been searching for sites like this one.

    My husband is a very practical person but he doesn't believe all the knowledge he needs to lead a rich and full life is either intuitive or God-given. He respects the instruction manuals that come with the complex toys that are part of modern life. In fact he even reads them. Thus he has become - to too many people IMO - a wonderful person to call when there is a problem with a new car, a digital camera, the wiring in a lamp, the alignment of a gate, the building of a fence ..... ad infinitum.

    He reads mostly practical books but they are just the handyman's equivalent of self help. And when I wanted him to read and explore a Taken In Hand life with me, he did that too. He has no desire to reinvent the wheel when there exists a vast pool of knowledge and experience that can be tapped into and improved on.

    My attitude when I picked up How to be a Great Lover wasn't apologetic - I knew there were no complaints in that department - it was more curiousity - and keenness - what might I do to really surprise him?

    Lou Paget gave me that. Oh yes indeed.